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T. Boone Pickens is an Asshole

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First of all, T. Boone, if you’re reading this (though I’m sure it’s not actually you reading it, rather, I should have said “if you’re paying someone to read this and then summarize the contents to you,” or rather “if you’re paying someone to read this and then summarize the contents to a person paid to listen to all the summaries and then pass the juicy parts on to you, and he in fact passed this on to you as one of the ‘juicy parts’), then I want to say that I don’t think you’re an asshole: that’s just a catchy title. I actually think you’re a great American, a True Patriot, and hopefully someone who is very generous with his money especially when it comes to starving bloggers.

That being said, if you’re not T. Boone Pickens, then T. Boone Pickens is an asshole. If you need further proof, turn no further than this article. And, if you don’t have the time to read that article (and who does except people Ole T-Bone is paying to do just that?), then I’ll summarize it for you here in three simple steps.

1. T. Boone Pickens has purchased his childhood home in Oklahoma and moved it to Texas, so that he can live in his childhood home without having to move into a different state. (I wonder if this has something to do with Texas’ zero-percent income tax? Maybe. I don’t know. I wonder if he has much income…)

2. As a child, T-Bone had written his name in the wet cement of the driveway of the house next door to his home. (There’s a picture in the article, if you’d bothered to read it.)

3. For the sake of authenticity, T-Bone sent a few goons to said house next door to his childhood home and had them dig up the square of cement with his name in it, without asking or paying for such a privilege.

The owner of the house, who was quite upset, has filed a lawsuit. Now, in keeping with the Almighty Pickens Plan, a plan which breaks down T-Bone’s three step plan to save America (which will, just coincidentally, make him even richer, though he swears that’s just an unintended side-effect) what do you think Pickens is going to do?

I bet it’s going to look like this:

1. Hire a team of attorneys to ruin this man’s life. (I believe that they plan to use the argument that, since it has his name on it, it’s his.)

2. Drink margaritas in Texas.

3. Forget about the whole thing and continue being an asshole.

Man, I wish I could have ended this with a better joke. Oh well, there’s always next time!

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