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“Actually, it’s 23 quadrillion. I looked it up.”

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Visa “accidentally” started charging people 23,000,000,000,000,000+ dollars for minor charges, such as meals out to Applebee’s. Now, Visa is trying to claim that the whole thing is a “mistake.” But I think I know what’s really going on.

We are in the middle of a credit crunch. People are declaring bankruptcy left and right. Now, yes, it’s the people at the bottom who are hit hardest by an economic crisis, but the people at the top (read: Visa) are the ones who lose the most total money, and thus complain the loudest.

In this last economic kerfuffle, Visa’s losing a ton of money from people who claim they “can’t pay” because “someone in their family got sick” or because “their interests rates got quadrupled with no warning because they were two days late on one payment.” (I take it back: those poor people complain a lot, too!)

So, what’s Visa to do? They can attempt to gain millions of new customers by sending credit cards to babies or dogs. They can attempt to raise interest rates on everyone or try to double charge everyone’s accounts a few times and hope that most of the people don’t notice. But these ideas would all lower average consumer confidence and loyalty, and not to mention they seem a little stupid.

So the solution to the financial shortfall that Visa has so masterfully deduced is to charge a few dozen people twenty-three quadrillion dollars and hope that one of them, just one of them, doesn’t call to complain but just sucks it up and pays it. They’d only need one person to give them twenty-three quadrillion dollars and then they’d be good for the next couple recessions!

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Written by Greg Karber

July 19, 2009 at 3:52 pm

2 Responses

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  1. […] editorial integrity, Oprah enjoys astounding levels of Twitter popularity. At last count, she had twenty-three quadrillion followers: several times the population of the […]

  2. health and fitness

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    August 9, 2013 at 6:00 am


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