Scooby and Shaggy are Potheads: The Case for Cartoon Cannabis

with 4 comments

The whole gang upon hearing that their dealer was out.

I’m not the first person to say this, and I certainly won’t be the last, but it needs to be established, factually, through irrefutable argument, that Scooby-Doo and Shaggy are potheads.

This has been addressed before within the Scoobyverse. In the 2002 movie, Shaggy’s love interest is named “Mary Jane,” exhibiting an identical level of subtlety as Half Baked. But references in the 2002 film do not change the facts of the matter as they exist in the original 1969 TV program “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?” However, I nevertheless contend that the original show provides a substantial amount of evidence to prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Shaggy and Scooby-Doo are not just casual smokers of marijuana, but certifiable potheads.

From the expression on his face, I assume Shaggy's thinking, "Man, I am way too high for this!"

For one, they eat constantly. And they don’t just eat constantly: they eat anything constantly, the weirder the better, the more indulgent the better. Pizza with ice-cream, Worcester sauce with ice cream, pretty much anything with ice-cream. Not only that, but at the request of the original voice of Shaggy, famed Top 40 DJ Casey Kasem, Shaggy was a vegetarian. And, of course, we know that all twenty-something male vegetarians are stoners. It’s an irrefutable fact.

Additionally, they are lazy. “Go investigate that haunted house,” Fred says. “Fuck that,” say Shaggy and Scooby. “We’re staying here. There’s tons of shit to eat out here, and we’re happy just hanging out in the van.”

“But there’s a mystery to solve,” Velma reminds them.

“This is rucking ridiculous,” Scooby says. “I’m a rucking rog. Re’re not rupposed to re investigating raranormal activities.” (Did I overdo the Rs? Perhaps.)

Freddy, to go off on a tangent, is the white Protestant male elite. There is no other way to explain his leadership of the group. He gives all the orders but does none of the work, he never gets chased by the monster, and if he does, he never has to do something demeaning to get out of it like pretend to be the monster’s friend or confuse him with a poor facsimile of a diner. “Oh, Mr. Monster, of course, we recommend the soup du jour,” and the monster seems confused, but enticed, and when he’s finally fallen for it, Scooby and Shaggy bolt.

Of course, this oft-repeated scenario makes absolutely no sense, because as we will learn in fifteen minutes, the monster was a well-educated local running some kind of real-estate scam: “I’ll scare you off the property, and then I’ll be able to buy it for nothing so I can search for the gold alone! Bwahahaha!”

But, of course, the only people who ever seem to talk about the place is the guy himself, who earlier told the Scooby Gang not to go to a certain place, which is the only reason they ended up going in the first place. So they’re really biting themselves on the ass with that one.

But Freddy’s privilege is a topic for another day. Back to the stoner issue.

Exhibit C: They are paranoid. Every week they run into one of these supposedly supernatural mysteries, and every week it’s the same thing: guy in a costume. This is one thing I like about Scooby-Doo. It’s the opposite of the X-Files.  In the X-Files, every single episode it turns out to be the least likely explanation. Every time! You would think at least one of the time it would have just been a regular crazy person. But on Scooby-Doo, every time it was a guy in a suit.

And yet, every time Scooby and Shaggy are terrified. They think this is the time it’s a real monster, man. Don’t you see, man? Those other fake monsters have tricked us into a false sense of complacency, man! Don’t you get it?

Fourthly, and I’ve alluded to this before, but they live in a van. Now, I know this implicates Freddy, Daphne, and Velma to a degree, as well, but I never felt like their whole existence was the van. Certainly, Daphne had well-to-do parents. Freddy could have expected an easy middle management job in his father’s company when he returned home, and Velma was clearly college bound.

Not so for Shaggy and Scooby. Possessing no apparent skills save an ability to pose as the bait in monster traps (guy-in-a-suit-pretending-to-be-a-monster traps, I guess), they seem to have nothing waiting for them at home.

Number Five: they never drive. They always just hang out in the back of the van, goofing off (or eating). While this might not alone convict them, certainly the preponderance of evidence that came before would. And if that still didn’t, take a look at this freeze frame:

There's no other interpretation of his expression in this image.

If you’re not convinced now, you never will be. But either way, you’ll probably find this clip from Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law hilarious:


4 Responses

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  1. […] Of course, I love anything with Mama Cass in it, if for no other reason than her absolutely awesome Scooby-Doo Movies episode where she owned the haunted candy factory that the Gang was investigating. Wow, candy monsters, if ever there was a monster Scooby and Shaggy wouldn’t be scared of… […]

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