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Cats and Dogs.

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Here is something I don’t understand: why do people describe themselves as “dog people” or “cat people.” Everybody acts like these two groups are polar opposites — opposed in every way. But dogs and cats are both small, furry animals that enjoy being petted and can live in your home or back yard. What the fuck? That’s the exact same.

This is why I don’t understand people who don’t understand Israel and Palestine. People are so upset that these two groups of people can’t get along: they live in the desert, they worship an invisible sky guy, and they advocate peace plus explosives. That’s the same! Why can’t they get along? Well, cats and dogs.

That’s the problem with teams. Once you’re on a team, you have to root for your team and despise every other team. If a guy on their team is a doucehbag, he’s a douchebag. But if a guy on your team is a douchebag, he’s awesome. And that sucks. I have a universal no-douchebag policy except in cases of vaginal infection.

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Written by Greg Karber

June 12, 2011 at 1:29 am

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