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Balloons for Sale!

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Balloons for sale! Balloons for sale! All different sizes and shapes. Rubber, metallic, paper. I’ve got em all. All sorts of colors. Red, blue, cerise, cerulean, cream. And all different shapes: spheres and obloids and hobloids and tubulars, giraffes and monkeys, and a Luxury Class Ron Paul balloons because that’s an iconic balloon-shape that appeals to a high-income demographic. All lengths of string: we’ve got a fifty-foot length, a ten-foot length, and all rational and irrationally numbered lengths in-between. No complex-numbered lengths, though, because that’s ridiculous. However, complex numbers were used in the development of the Ron Paul balloon, which was a tricky balloon to craft. I don’t want to exaggerate, but we did some really groundbreaking mathematics in the design of those things. Cost a lot of money, too. But like I said: high-income demographic. You see, we got all prices of balloons. Cheap balloons: they go for a nickel a ballon, but they explode randomly and — when they do — they release a mildly toxic poison that’s harmless to you and your children but will give you children’s great-grandchildren Ballsia, which is a disease that causes testicles to grow on the forehead, but who cares about your children’s great-grandchildren? They won’t be born until you’re long dead! Anyway, if you can afford to pay a little more, I can get you a completely safe, FDA-approved non-toxic balloon guaranteed never to explode or release any kind of toxic gas. Balloons for sale!

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Written by Greg Karber

June 23, 2011 at 10:02 pm

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