A Brief Dialogue Between Two Unnamed Supreme Court Justices

JUSTICE #1: Hey, can you give me the run-down?

JUSTICE #2: Where have you been?

JUSTICE #1: I had to go to lunch with the mistress.

JUSTICE #2: Oh, all right. All right. Here’s how it goes: on the one side, we’ve got the People. Innocent. Caring. Rubes. And on the other side–

JUSTICE #1: I know who it’s between. How much have we been offered?

JUSTICE #2: Well, I’ve been offered a summer estate.

JUSTICE #1: An entire estate?

JUSTICE #2: Well, it’s a time-share. Two weeks every fourteen years. They’re also getting a chauffeur to drive me to get late-night fast food three times over the next couple months. Additionally, I’ve been given a pretty hefty coupon book.

JUSTICE #1: Good deals?

JUSTICE #2: Some of the best. Look at this: 10% off plus a free Large Soda with any purchase exceeding five-hundred dollars.

JUSTICE #1: Not bad. Not bad. Just make sure Thomas doesn’t put any of his pubes on it.

JUSTICE #2: Ha! Good one.

JUSTICE #1: What else?

JUSTICE #2: Now, again, this is just my package. I can’t speak for yours, but I’m also getting a large cubic zirconium ring that I’ll totally be able to pass off to my mistress as real. Plus, I’m getting a full Park Hopper pass to Disneyland. That includes Disneyland and the California Adventure. I really want to go on Soarin‘. I’ve heard great things. Let’s see, what else? Oh, a complete box set of The Lord of the Rings—

JUSTICE #1: Extended Edition?

JUSTICE #2: No, it’s a whole new edition! It’s even longer, and way more expensive. It’s nice. Also, they’re going to give me this new breed of dog that never goes to the bathroom and doesn’t need to eat. Some sort of genetic engineering or something. I don’t know how they did it, but I’ve seen them before, and they’re amazing. They don’t smell, either.

JUSTICE #1: Wow. And what are the People offering?

JUSTICE #2: Oh, the usual: A sense of decency, good will, being able to sleep at night.

JUSTICE #1: Well, that’s worth something, too, isn’t it?

[For a moment, they pause; then they erupt into uncontrollable hysterics.]